Anger is a boundary defence”Gabor Maté
Anger has a pattern of presentation that speaks to the idea that we are being threatened in whatever format it is deemed reasonable to be so. What I mean is that anger takes on the mantel of being the invisible boundary marker. It is non-sense to think anger is not an important emotion to acknowledge because it is THE emotion that keeps us from being ‘trespassed against’. We have evidence to show that anger is the primary source emotion that creates an energetic field around our aura that sustains the integrity of our emotional wellbeing. This emotional integrity is built on the premise that we enact out our preferences in synchronised attitudes that allow us to match what we are feeling with what we are thinking. So if I am having thoughts that relate to feeling hurt and rejected, then I will experience feelings that match these thoughts. How does this work?
When we have a thought, our body interprets those ideas to give us a physical representation of what we are thinking. In terms of emotional intelligence we suspect our emotions have something to do with our inner thoughts. Which way does our emotion move? How far does it extend from the source of initiation? How does it affect us in our daily lives? etc. So where did this emotion come from?
As we have said, thoughts trigger emotions but the quality of our thoughts will impact our emotional responses due to them being waves of resonance within our sphere of influence. Spiritual mentor and teacher Caroline Myss talks about being ‘plugged in’ and unless we have experience of a situation we will not understand its meaning our impact on our psyche. So situations require that we have experience of them in order for them to ‘make sense’.
Making sense is a process that requires many factors and elements to come together in one defining moment. A moment in time is said to be a significant indicator of tertiary experience in which we make meaning. This comprehends to what we are thinking in the moment in that we understand the meaning to mean something important to us. Survival is important to us and therefore any base-line meaning that has an impact on our survival will get first dibs in terms of where we place our attention. Survival is the means by which we decide what is important.
In tinnitus, a condition experienced as a ringing in the ears, we have a vibrational disturbance that resonates in time to allow meaning to be distorted in terms of sounds we receive via the auditory nerve. In this sense we fall victim to notions of meaning that don’t reflect its true meaning such that we can’t distinguish between a tone that implies safety or threat. For example, we have notes and tones that make it possible to use discernment in the sense that we are able to detect a threat such as a parent whose tone is displeased or upset, implying the possibility of abandonment.
So we have to look carefully at how we use our bodies to communicate messages that suggest safety and security. This is because we have managed to sustain ourselves throughout time in order to overcome the difficulties of transgressing time-related challenges such as war, depression and economic downfalls. Now what has this got to do with tinnitus?
It is the societal pressures that create the tensions that cause tinnitus to occur such that we strive to live in a world that places many expectations on us to perform duties and roles that go against our natural state of being. In this way we have what is called ‘state de-resonance’ meaning that we are not in tune with our bodies. When this happens we become ‘toxic’ within our own environments such that we go against the grain of what is natural for us to achieve. I say this with the utmost respect because it is not you who is at fault but the systems in which we live do not afford us the ability to ‘vibe’ at the level of creativity we need to fulfil our inner most desires. This is the key to understanding resonance factors that undermine our ability to shine.
When it comes to fulfilment we need to set boundaries that allow us to take charge of our space, environment and decision-making capabilities. How this is done is a matter of knowing where you are in time and how you are going to make decisions based on where you want to be. So for example, if you make the decision that you no longer want to be involved with a certain person, you have to figure out a way to make that a reality. If you choose not to contact them but they continue to make contact, you will have to let them know in no uncertain terms that their behaviour is not acceptable.
So making decisions from the outset is a task that needs to be thought about when you are setting boundaries that enable you to thrive and survive. Boundaries are the foremost mechanism by which we set limits on what we will and will not tolerate. Therefore they will be the most useful aspect of our decision-making capacity to keep us safe within our sphere of influence.
Set your boundaries with compassion and reverence for yourself and you will find life much easier to bear in the face of tinnitus distress because it will delineate what elements of the environment will give you cause for concern and those that will give you space to feel safe.
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